Bum Week 9

Well, y’all won’t believe what Ethel’s up to now. She got a company lined up to install that rain shower. They claimin’ they can install it in one day. One day? I’ve heard that before! I told her, “Ethel, why do we need a shower that rains on us? We could step outside next time it storms and get the same effect—for free!” But she’s got her mind set, and now we’re about to shell out more money than a prize bull at the county fair.
Them fellas talkin’ to Ethel say the price is “reasonable,” but when I saw the bill, I thought I needed glasses. Y’all, there’s a comma in that number! I told her, “Ethel, for this kinda money, we could’ve bought a lakefront cabin and stood in the rain for real.” But she just waved me off, sayin’ it’ll make her feel like she’s “on vacation every day.” Well, looks like our next vacation is gonna be right here in our bathroom ‘cause we won’t afford one anywhere else for a long time!
But enough about that, let’s get to what really matters—football! Last week, y’all, I swear, it was like every team in the county was tryin’ to break some kinda scoring record.
Fort Payne went and laid a whoopin’ on Hazel Green, 56-29. Hazel Green was more lost than a goose in a snowstorm. Plainview took New Hope to the woodshed, beatin’ ‘em 41-18. Collinsville? Oh, they just flat-out embarrassed Brindlee Mountain, 56-0—Brindlee Mountain might need a whole new mountain to climb after that. Sylvania didn’t show no mercy to Asbury, stompin’ ‘em 54-0. And then there’s Fyffe, just bein’ their usual steamrollin’ selves, crushin’ Holly Pond 61-18. I bet Holly Pond folks are ready to pack up and move to the desert where there ain’t no Fyffe.
Geraldine made Whitesburg Christian rethink their prayer life with a 69-21 beatdown. Spring Garden swatted Ider so bad it felt like a summer fly was gettin’ slapped, 61-6. Pisgah handled Gaston, sendin’ ‘em back down the road with a 58-6 loss. Pleasant Valley squeaked by NSM, 26-20, and then we had Scottsboro and Arab playin’ one for the ages. Scottsboro pulled out a 50-47 win in a wild shootout. North Jackson didn’t even give Westminster Christian time to blink, beatin’ ‘em 52-10, and Appalachian flattened Woodville 42-0. Talk about high scores! I ain’t seen numbers like that since Ethel tried to balance our checkbook.
Now let’s look ahead to this week’s action. NSM’s headin’ to Pisgah, but Pisgah’s about to send ‘em packin’ 60-12. Over at North Jackson, Randolph’s comin’ to town with the region championship on the line, but I got North Jackson pullin’ it out, 34-31. Section’s travelin’ to Pleasant Valley, but Pleasant Valley’s gonna take care of business, winnin’ 28-12. Woodville’s takin’ a road trip to Gaylesville, but Gaylesville’s gonna run all over ‘em, 46-13.
Then there’s Lee comin’ to Fort Payne. Y’all better watch out ‘cause Fort Payne’s about to run wild, 63-14. Plainview’s tryin’ to keep their playoff hopes alive, takin’ on Madison Academy, and I reckon they sneak out a win, 37-33. Collinsville’s headed to Holly Pond, but they’re about to drain that pond, winnin’ 48-21. Sylvania’s headin’ to Brindlee Mountain, and let me tell ya, it’s gonna get ugly—Sylvania wins big, 54-14.
The game to watch this week? Geraldine’s goin’ over to Fyffe with the region championship on the line. But y’all know Fyffe—they ain’t about to give up that crown. Fyffe clinches it, 56-20. Ragland’s slippin’ past Ider in a close one, 26-24, while Appalachian takes care of Valley Head, 42-21. And over in 2A, Coosa Christian’s takin’ on Tuscaloosa Academy, and Coosa’s about to make a statement, winnin’ 62-10.
Well, after all that football talk, I’m ready for my spot by the fence to sip some coffee. Y’all save me one, and we’ll do this again next week!