Well let’s talk about our new Rain Shower, this thing is fancy. I ain’t talking ‘bout one of them ol’ fashioned things with a single spout that just drips on ya like a leaky faucet. No sir! Ethel’s got herself a fancy rain shower that could make a monsoon look like a sprinkle. She’s convinced it’s gonna turn our little ol’ bathroom into a five-star spa.
Now, this contraption cost more than my last truck, and I reckon that’s a right waste of good money if you ask me. I told Ethel, “Honey, if the Good Lord wanted us to bathe under a rain cloud, He’d’ve made it rain in the house!” But she just rolled her eyes and said, “Bum, you wouldn’t know modern if it bit ya.” I swear, she’s trying to make everything as modern as a city slicker with a Starbucks in one hand and a smartphone in the other. I reckon if she had her way, she’d put a touchscreen on the dog just so she could order his food through an app.
Now, this past week in football was as lively as a chicken in a room full of rocking chairs! North Jackson edged out Randolph in a nail-biter, 28-26. Let me tell ya, that game was tighter than a pair of overalls on a big ol’ boy after a buffet!
Then, poor ol’ Plainview went down to Madison Academy, 24-16, knocking them out of the playoffs. I guess it’s safe to say their playoff hopes went out like a match in a rainstorm. Fyffe, though, they clinched the Region Championship in fine style, rolling over Geraldine like a tumbleweed in a dust storm, 42-7. I’ve seen more fight in a sack of potatoes!
Sylvania? Well, they stomped Brindlee Mountain 76-0! I reckon Brindlee’s still trying to figure out what hit ‘em. That score had more zeros than my bank account after Ethel’s latest shopping spree!
Pleasant Valley didn’t take it easy on Section either, taking ‘em down 38-0. I hear tell that game was so one-sided, even the referees were lookin’ for a way to exit stage left!
And let me tell ya about Gaylesville. They whooped Woodville 62-28, and Alex Baty? Bless his heart, he set a state record with 535 yards rushing on 43 carries! That boy ran like he had a firecracker stuck in his britches!
Ragland was busy too, takin’ down Ider 47-6. Ider’s lookin’ like a cat that just got its tail stepped on, I tell ya. Fort Payne? They laid the smackdown on Lee, 55-13. You could hear that cheerin’ all the way from here to South Alabama!
Collinsville beat Holly Pond 56-32, and Appalachian squeaked past Valley Head 41-34 in what must’ve been a real barnburner. And don’t forget Pisgah, who took it to NSM with a 54-7 thumping. Looks like the only thing NSM was good at was holding the other team’s jackets.Coosa Christian rolled past Tuscaloosa Academy 35-21.
Well, y’all, gather ‘round because we’re fixin’ to talk about this week’s matchups and who I reckon will come out on top. I’ve been scratchin’ my head like a chicken tryin’ to lay an egg over these predictions, so let’s dive in!
First up, we got Fort Payne takin’ on Pelham. I’m tellin’ ya, Fort Payne is gonna treat Pelham like a piñata at a birthday bash, beatin’ ‘em 54-14! That score’s gonna be so lopsided, it’ll make a pancake look like a mountain!
Next, the Plainview Bears are gonna roll right over St. John Paul II, 45-12. I reckon they’ll run circles around ‘em like a dog chasin’ its tail. St. John Paul II better bring their A-game, or they’ll be sittin’ on the sidelines, wonderin’ where it all went wrong!
Now, Collinsville is matchin’ up against Valley Head, and I’m puttin’ my money on Collinsville to sneak by with a tight one, 42-35. It’ll be like watchin’ a cat and a dog play tug-of-war—close and chaotic, but Collinsville’s got the grit to pull it off!
Pisgah is takin’ on Sylvania, and I see ‘em cruisin’ to a 42-28 win. Sylvania better pack a lunch ‘cause Pisgah’s bringin’ the heat! Geraldine’s gonna take on Douglas and I expect a 48-13 thrashin’. Douglas might as well be hopin’ for a miracle at this point!
Now let’s not forget Gaston and Ider. I think Gaston will edge ‘em out 24-20. That’ll be so close it’ll have you bitin’ your nails down to the quick! Woodville is set to beat Section 28-14, and I’d say Section is gonna feel like they got left at the bus stop after that one!
Susan Moore is gonna come in hot against NSM, and I’m callin’ a 32-21 victory. I reckon NSM will be scratchin’ their heads and tryin’ to figure out how they ended up on the wrong end of the scoreboard. Mars Hill will be takin’ on Scottsboro, and I’m thinkin’ Mars Hill is gonna strut away with a 45-36 win. That’ll be one for the history books, y’all!
And bless North Jackson! I see ‘em takin’ down DAR 56-21. DAR better bring a map because they’re gonna get lost out there! In the world of college football, I think Vandy is gonna put the hurt on Auburn with a score of 36-21. Auburn’s fans are gonna be shakin’ their heads and wonderin’ if they’ve been drinkin’ too much sweet tea!
Finally, Ohio St. is gonna give Penn State a whoopin’ of 45-20. That’ll have Penn State headin’ home like a kicked dog after a long day.
Ethel is getting ready to show off that new shower. She’s been running around like a one-armed wallpaper hanger tryin’ to prep for our playoff get-together. I swear, she’s been stockin’ up on snacks like she’s expectin’ a whole herd of folks to show up! Last I heard, she was lookin’ for recipes for some fancy dip, and I told her, “Ethel, darlin’, just get some good ol’ queso and call it a day!”
So, save me a spot by the fence, y’all! I’ll be there with my favorite chair, ready to cheer on our teams as they finish up the regular season. See you next week for first round action!
